| (no subject) |
[Oct. 8th, 2008|10:16 pm] |
My 18th Birthday.
What a day it has been.....
Waiting in a TRAFFIC JAM for over an hour, a drive that takes about 30 minutes turned into one hour and fifteen minutes of discomfort, annoyance, oh and did i mention i was late to class, something that never happens.
I'm rushing into class and as i run in, my friend, Cynthia began singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY, then as i looked over at my desk there was a cake sitting on top of it.
That really made me happy.
For the remainder of my time at school i had a pretty good time.
At 1:31PM class lets out for me, so i decided to go to DPS to renew my liscence because it expired today.
That took FOREVER!
I left DPS at around 2:45
At 3:00
<FONT SIZE=6>BAM!!!!....</FONT SIZE>
I Crashed into the car infront of me.
OMG! That was just what i needed on my Birthday!
So, i get out and talk to the girl (who was surprisingly very nice about it).
We exchange information
Then we go to the police department on Pebble Hills to file a report...
In very mocking tones of voice, everyone there is like... "WELL HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
I felt like crying.
So as we're leaving I tell the girl im sorry and she sincerely tells me, "No it's okay EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES, Make the best of the remainder of your birthday, Happy Birthday"
On the way home im feeling like shit, all the while singing 'Nobody's Perfect'
When I FINALLY got home, i called the insurance company to give my statement, and that too took longer than it took Noah to build his freaking Ark.
Then just chilled for a couple of hours
Went to some Football game, forgot my phone at home.
Went to dinner.
Came Home.
Writing this Blog.
Then it's off to BED.
Yay! I'm 18! |
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| You know what i hate? |
[Aug. 31st, 2007|08:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
i hate stupid people who think the whole fucken. world revolves around them and that all the world and all its people shall bow down and ask "hon, whats wrong?" WTF! NO BETCH! i will not stop my plans just because you they can't deal. It's not my problem. Now this dosent mean that i dont care, or that i dont love you anymore, all it means is that i wanna have fun and enjoy my 3 day weekend!!!!!!!! i wanna go out!!! i wanna do my own thing!!!.... i just want to say fuck skool! (for the weekend of course) and party a bit! I have way too many stresses on my mind right now to have to worry about and idiot and how hes fucking dealing!!! so peace be with you! and hopefully also with me! |
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| Boys |
[Jul. 9th, 2007|11:25 am] |
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Ahhhhhh.... the subject matter that is on everyones mind!!!!!!!! Okay so like i have been trying to understand why it is that im attracted to boys!!!..... yes im obviously gay..... okay so like there is this boy and i would personally say that he is one of the most attractive people i have ever met!!!..... but the problem is that he says he isnt gay..... but i dont belive it..... the way he acts, the way he talks, the way his eyes gaze back at mine!..... okay im getting a bit carried way... but i honestly think he is....... he once told me that he loved me..... @ first i took it as in a friendship kinnda way.... but like 2 days ago..... i (pop)kissed him...... and he didnt do anything.... he just stood there.... so im wondering.... was he in shock that i kissed him cuz he liked it????..... or is it because he is in deed straight??? well i have alot of questions...... and i cant bring myself to asking them to him..... so i have no fucking idea what in the earth to do!!!! ahhhhhh! Okay now back to him....... on his top 8... well actually 12..... im number 4..... and there is this boy @ one.... he never tells me anything about him..... and hes always talking about his friends and myspace.... so i ask myself......... is he dating this other boy...... why am i number 4??.... hes not even on mine...... i only met him like 3 or 4 months ago.... ive only gone partying with him once..... so IDK..... i hate not knowing anything and living in oblivion..... but it wouldnt be oblivion..... it would be like IDK.... i have the word for it... but then i dont.... well it sucks to have so many questions.... and not having the guts to ask them! |
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| Irvine - Kelly Clarkson |
[Jun. 23rd, 2007|01:08 am] |
This Song is OH SO SAD!!!..... it makes me think....... yup.... its my thinking song!!!!!
[♥] |
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| i miss.... |
[Jun. 9th, 2007|04:05 pm] |
being young
having no worries
being accepted
living for today
but most importantly i miss my sense of security! |
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| Ignorance |
[Apr. 12th, 2007|08:59 pm] |
It's everywhere!
Why are people happier in their own little worlds?
All they do is lie to themselves and put others down.
For what?
A belief that they have?
Why are people beat up for being "weird"?
Why are war's started over religion?
No one knows the truth.
Right?
Why is ignorance such sweet bliss to humanity and yet, at the same time, destroying us?
Ignorance is bliss because if you don't know something, it can't hurt you.
As kids, people are themselves and get along.
(It's Like Kinder-garden ♥HSM♥)
As we grow older, we tend to lose who we truly are and begin to turn ourselves into something society wants us to be.
As we become young adults, we become aware of pain and suffering, and the more we know about everything that is fucked with the world, the more we lose our innocence.
I read (yes i do read) a poem called ( Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College )
by Thomas Gray
And this is what I understood:
When we lose the "innocence" of childhood, we also lose our ignorance and bliss.
When we gain the Knowledge of adulthood, we also gain compassion, and understanding.
So, does that mean that you can't gain wisdom and be blissful at the same time?
It doesn't matter, some people would rather be ignorant and just like the pretty colors that the TV displays and others want to know how it shoots electrons at the screen making certain electrons light up in different colors. (I am learning in Science!)The same thing applies with life.
Yeah, we could look at life and say that there is no point and that everything we ever do is a waste because we know what happens when we die.
We die.
However, others as you would all call the "ignorant" will go to school, get a job, make freinds, buy a house, a car maybe even have children and just not care (be ignorant) that everything will end one day and there is nothing they can do to prevent it.
Life is short don't sit around doing nothing because your going to die one day and it will have all been a waste.
If you enjoy life and make others happy then your time will not have been wasted.
Enjoy life and do anything you ever wanted to do. Accept yourself and accept that death is inevitable.
That is the true meaning of life.
What I just said in this entire blog is that Ignorance can be bliss you just need to know when and how to be ignorant.
There's a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
[♥]
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted |
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| It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends. |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|01:17 am] |
I'm sitting here in my living room feeling very despondent, im tired, but yet there is something keeping me locked to my computer screen. I feel as if something *special* is gonna happen. (Maybe Insert Name will message me) But I know that's just me being a wishful thinker. I sit here listening to the one the only, Bright Eyes, the Man whom gets me through the hardest of times. Wait, that so works in about 3 ways! Hehehehe well yeah, he's like so making me depressed right now. Ahhh i ♥ him!
Yeah you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek.
Yeah you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek.
Yeah you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek.
You pull away, so easily.
And I still call you, but I get your machine.
Yeah I still call you, but I get your machine.
And if I'm lucky I guess it's your roommate answering.
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's
We go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand.
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet.
Yeah we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss,
when the waitress turns around.
And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch.
Yeah we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch.
Yeah we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap,
the plot is slow, take a nap.
And you even stay over, but we stay in our clothes.
Yeah you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes.
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes,
I'm only there so you're not alone.
And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer.
Yeah you say that I hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer.
Yeah well maybe I hurt you some, let's contrast and compare.
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there.
I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies.
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies.
Your kind of truth darling, is just the ghost of your lies.,
I see through them all the time.
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm going to get drunk.
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get real fucking drunk.
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.
I need to STOP dwelling on the past!
[♥] |
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| Christmas |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|03:30 pm] |
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Alright well Christmas was fine..... Actually no it was pretty good there was really no fighting or arguing
We all just chilled.
I recived alot of money...
The Movie Material Girls...
sum cds... (waiting for hellogoodbye)
a wallet..
a couple of gift cards ...
a shirt...
and sum candle thing...
lol it was pretty cool...
well yeah i really wasn't in the holiday spirit ...
till like 6 pm on christmas eve...
oh and on christmas day at night we came back to my dads house and luz, my dad, jorge, alex, crystal, joel, annie and i played taboo for like 3 hours.......... it was lots of fun!
So all in all Christmas was good this year.
[♥]
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|05:35 pm] |
I'm getting so tired, so tired of the same
The same old shit just on a different day
You think that you know, but how could you see
The problems I face, the battle in me
The days pass me by and still all the same
When nothing is different, it drives me insane
All that I am, all that I'll be
Is so undecided, the battle of me
What if I'm on my own by myself all alone
What if I can't be there all the same everywhere
I'm getting so tired, I'm needing a break
A break from all the, shit that I take
I'm tired of all this, waiting around
For something to happen in this little town
Don't tell me you know, don't say you agree
With all that I'm saying, don't think you know me
All that I am, all that I'll be
Is so undecided, the battle of me
What if I'm on my own by myself all alone
What if I can't be there all the same everywhere
[♥] |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|10:17 pm] |
I have a new theory that just came to me.
"Do what you love"
Settle for nothing less.
We are encouraged as a society to be productive in a world already created for us before birth. Unfortunately, the world isnt built upon the highest standards, many people are totally unsatisfied with their lives and i believe the standard of the quality of life falls in the catagory of MOST important.
raise the bar!
Strive for inner happiness!! Happiness never comes from anything external , for example: money, cars, Taco Bell, sex, drugs, IPods, ¿lipstick collection?, alchohol.. everything MATERIAL!!
It takes time if you have to relearn...it is possible and is done everyday, ALL it requires is an Open-mind.
Imagine if kids were born in a world that encourages Happiness rather than than being born in a Material World.
There would be no judging, labeling, or name calling, which is what most often breaks a person down and causes them to be unhappy with life, with society, but most importantly with themselves.
We would be living from our hearts. We need to nourish this side of us and become loving like Mother Teresa, Jesus, or any divine being and RAISE THE ENERGY of the entire planet.
From the darkness comes light. Earth is in for a big change soon.. it is inevitable. Like i wrote about before, Change is inevitable. Even the ones in control know this and are just trying to milk it for everything they can.. which they have done quite well for some time now.
I cannot understand why the world is controlled by greed, corruption and power on the highest levels. Its scary. So, it requires a belief that we are not alone in this universe to fully understand the dark truth of our fallen planet.
God Is With Us
Find your truth and love one another. I have found mine. Be the guiding light for the whole planet to see.
"Do what you love"
[♥] |
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| Lables |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|11:54 pm] |
I feel as if I am unique... sometimes being unique is good and sometimes not so good.... i don't want to say it's bad, because it's not.
Unique means someone who stands out of the crowd, not someone who is "Weird"
To me the word "Weird" dosen't exist
Nither does "Normal"
Because those two single words are the trigger to labels.
It may be Jock, Rocker, Prep, Emo, Fag, Chola, or anything else I may have forgotten.. and trust me there are many.
And, labels then lead to judging which is what GOD is supposed to be doing.
Not You!
So don't label me and i promise i wont lable you!
[♥] |
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| Ahhh |
[Nov. 25th, 2006|08:35 am] |
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Ok well things right now are getting worse ... I finally got rid of that emptey feeling for about a week.... but then I go back to my mothers house and it comes back again... well I think it's because I told her something she didn't want to hear.... Why do i say i think? I know... and actually its not even because of what i told her... its what she thinks happend.... i decided on telling her what I dreaded to tell her most. And now she is all paranoid and not allowing me to do shit... when i say shit I mean the stuff I ♥ doing most.... going out, parting, but most importantly spending time with my cousins. I ask god to plz change her way of thinking and for her to understand..... I dont fit in to the Social Norm........... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|07:56 pm] |
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Life’s pretty much a blur..... Everything is so out of perspective, it’s not even funny... I’m felling so empty (kind of like I did in the Prayer Room) but all day long. I’ve felt like this for about a month now.... I think to myself, where am I going in life? ... Things haven't really changed in a while, things just stay the same I need a change, not a drastic change, but just a change. Hopefully my change will come soon because I am getting a bit bored with the same ol’ same ol’. I’m not complaining about my life or anything so don’t think of me as some little Emo boy crying about how his life sucks, or how no one loves me. Because I know damn well that no matter what life brings me I’ll make the best of it, and that a whole lot of people love me. SO BRING ON THAT CHANGE.
♥
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| I'm 16 |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
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I'm 16. That's OVER 5840 days old. That is a really long time for such a short life. It would take you nearly 6 hours to count that high.
As my life progresses, I see so many things happening that I never imagined I'd see when I was 5. How could I think I would have to make all of these Decisions? Some of these decisions are telling me how I spend the rest of my life. How do I know what's right for me? I'm just 5840 days old. I want my FREEDOM but I'm still a kid.
Give me my freedom but keep it Restricted. I promise, I won't abuse that sentence if you don't. Im a TEENAGER, of course I want Freedom. But I'm also a Kid, I yearn to have restrictions (without noticing of course).
There are too many things to deal with in my short 5840 day life. College? Death? A job? School? Retirement? All while balancing an AMAZING social life. How do we do it? The answer is we don't. We can't. Were just kids. I mean TEENS.
We pretend.
Pretend we Can Do Anything.
Pretend we Can Live Forever.
But sometimes, we pretend so much that we actually ACCOPMPLISH WHAT WE PRETEND.
We can join clubs and goof around while maintaining a 90 average.
Is it possible?
Yes, it is possible
I'm only 16. I can't handle the Decisions, the Deaths, and the Demands. I'm 16 and I have to deal with a peer dying.
That isn't fair.
When I was 5 Crying for more then an hour straight was only imaginable if I was not allowed to eat dessert. Now there are different REASONS, different CIRCUMSTANCES.
But life goes on. We remember. We will never forget what happens in our lives. But we move on. Sometimes we actually grow. I mean, when I was 5, I had no idea I would ever be 16.
I have no desire to "grow up".
I will stay FREE forever.
FOREVER, ok?
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| Unicorns |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|10:31 pm] |
driving down the street.
singing.
acting stupid
is what i love to do
but today i learned a new way of expressing that inter love and compassion
doing all 3 at the same time!!! heheh
ok so today me, sarah, katie, and abby went to sum gas stations
we calmly got out of the car and started dancing to the oreo song aka swing swing
so that was that then we decided to do it again at another gas station... it was
fun!
random
great
and just happy!
like the unicorns!
♥ |
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| On Time |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|07:13 pm] |
Ok well yesterday was the Stu-Co District IX Convention... I had a good time... meet cool people, and learned... well yeah.... we are two weeks away from homecoming!!... ahhh i dont know if were going to make it on time!!.... we have the homecoming dance DUH!!?!?1.. lol and the Creating of the 5th sun... wich is basically likr the buring of the ED... and the peprally and the fall feztival and not to mention the parade!!... ahh!! .. ok so yeah we have alot of work!!... im scared!!.... but we can do it!!... all i need is a bit of faith in myself, and well the others!!... plz let it work out!!!
♥ |
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| The Circus! |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|01:16 am] |
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Ok today was like totally the best day of the week!!....
hehehe I went to the Circus with my two favorite people!!!....
My Cousins!
^_^
Ok so we were like totally the loudest people there!!...
We had A.LOT. of fun Sarah & Victoria bought light thingys I didnt cuz im cheap like that!... heheh
So yeah the acrobat pople were amazing!!
So were the Motercycle People... which were the same acrobat people.
Well anyways Sarah & Victoria fell in LOVE with number 5... even tho he was like 12... jkjk like 16
So yeah i was like Super Hyper!!... and then sarah bougfht me a Balloon and that made me Happy! :)
I ♥ the circus!
I say we go again tommarrow
♥
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| Change is inevitable. |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
Well I wrote this about one year ago.. when I broke up with Ex-Girfriend for various reasons.You know, sometimes we think we have our whole lives planned out. We spend hours, days, months, years even.. just thinkin about how we can disaster-proof our lives. Gotta try to tie up all those loop-holes. Crazy.. it's like Murphy's Law or something.. If anything can go wrong, it will. .... .... .... .... Now, did you read that correctly? If ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG, it WILL. And it does. Every day of our lives. Heh... sometimes we think that everyone else is happy, "Bad things only happen to me!" No... it happens to everyone. Life happens. Shit happens. And all you can do is pick up the pieces, humble yourself, and move the fuck on. Well, few people do that. Most of the time we go into bouts of depression, self-pity, and resentment. We like to think that we have control of our lives. God gave us the ability to choose right? The ability to decide what path to take. But no matter what path you follow, it seems, there will be a river to cross. Change is inevitable. People change. Places change. Our choices dont change however. Once you yourself have made a change in your life, it sends these little ripples that make larger ones, and they dont stop until you do. Sometimes we try so hard to hold on to what we have, trying to stop change. Its useless though, and you know it. But we still try. .... .... .... .... I tried to hold on to what I had. I made a choice, a life choice. A commitment, a life commitment. I guess when I came to that river, I followed it instead of crossing it. I know you my love will never read this, but.. you're the one. Maybe not the best one, maybe not the right one.. but youre still the one I chose. I took that path and ive been traveling it far too long, it would be impossible to turn back. And even if I could, I wouldnt. Well, time to get to building that bridge. They say the grass is always greener on the other side. We'll see. Everything's going to be ok.. everythings going to be ok.
You know what it has been going better than ok its been going great!
♥
!
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| ♥ |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|03:29 pm] |
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omg ok about 2 months ago i was sitting in my bed room on my bed, doing homework and i accidentally dropped my pen on the sheets, and got ink all over the place, so naturally i threw some water from a glass nearby, directly on the bed. i wiped the water with my hand once or twice So i left it like that for a while... A while later i glanced back at it a noticed it made this blatant heart shaped figure. I quickly grabbed my camera and took photos of it! 
About 5 days ago... i was walikng to walgreens from school at lunch time because it had been raining like crazy ... there were all these puddles eveywhere... as i was crossing the cross walk, off to the left was this heart shaped puddle... i showed it to my friends and we were all amazed.... for about 5 minutes I DIDNT HAVE MY CAMERA Well, yesterday morning i was at the Chautemoc Cafe' with the same group of friends. i ordered a vanilla soy latte' and when they brought it out to me, right in the middle was a ... ♥ i dont think that they tried to do this, but i could be wrong. although, i have eaten there MANY times and have NEVER, EVER, gotten a heart in my coffee cup.
LUCKILY I HAD MY CAMERA WITH ME
so i took pictures. 
i believe we live in a good matrix. a universe of many levels. god is real. angels give people messages ALL the time. i've been studying ALL of the secrets of the universe, its very far out, but real at the same time. there is such thing as a third eye. we all have a life force. ill get into all this more later, but i have recently been feeling superly connected to other levels. honestly, it was about two month ago when it all started (well when i noticed it)... things started to change. big things that were hard to discern, became more clear. i want to star doing yoga and learn to meditate on deep levels. it all seems very cool to me. my eyes are opening to this place i am unfamiliar with, or am i?
♥
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iceblue8809's journal
depressed